19 Weeks

When you read books, or did it for a living (counseling pregnant women) you think that you pretty much are well prepared for the day that its your turn to be pregnant. Oh, how naive I was.

Before I found out that I was with child, I knew that something was different because never in my life (not even with my lifelong struggles with anemia) had I felt such fatigue. Oh, it'll end after the second trimester, is what they told me. Wrong. Don't get me wrong, it does ease up, but every day is a guessing game. One day I feel energized, and then I get a wave of "I just want to go to bed, pleeeeease!" There are some days when that is what I look forward to. Bed time.

The hunger that I experienced during my first trimester was record breaking. In my book atleast. Even Joe would catch himself saying "Wow." I didn't take offense to it, because I myself would be shocked. It felt as if I'd eat, take a break and wait around 20 minutes for the baby to get its fill, and then it would be my turn to get mine because the "I am starving like Marvin" moment would return. That has lessened. During the first couple of weeks, I craved seafood. All that I could think about was having a big plate of paella (that sadly never came because when it was offered, I no longer cared for it.) Now, the only thing that I ever really crave is beans. Dominican style beans, with white rice. I don't know what it is, but mmmm. Other than that, I dont care for much of anything. Only fruits. Note to self: Ask OB if I should be worried about my loss of appetite.

The fun part is that last week I began to feel the baby move. Its random. I feel it when I least expect it. It took getting used to. It feels like a little frog is jumping around in there lol. Now, I just smile whenever I feel it.

On 1O/23 I had my 18 week ultrasound. So far, one of my favorite moments ever! My mami, papi, friend Valeria, and Joe were there with me. The ultrasound tech, Martie was awesome. Such a sweetheart. I loved that eventhough she has seen/scanned thousands of baby ultrasounds she made me feel as if mine was her very first and favorite. Our baby was lying on its head. The position it was in was like a C. It cracked me up. After all of the important scans, and measurements, which I thank God were all normal, we got to find out the gender. Our baby was not shy. It showed us several times that it is what it is... A boy! We are having a boy! I wish I had a camera on me to capture everyone's reactions. We were all shocked. Many of my family members guessed that it would be a girl because of dreams, and such. Joe? He had the biggest smile, and was laughing. His face was the one that I focused on. Me? I was the first one to say... It's a boy? And covered my mouth lol. I couldn't believe it. You might be thinking, why is it such a surprise, when theres only a 50/50 chance of what it could be?--Just wait until you or someone close to you is expecting. It feels like there are a million possibilities of what it could be lol.

So, yeah, Adrian J. Batine is who has been causing all of these body changes lol. Its okay, he's worth it.  If sometimes it sounds as if I am shedding a negative light on pregnancy, excuse me. It is not my intention. Its just me sharing my experience and my wake up call that it isn't all roses and rainbows. Yet, its something that you wouldnt trade for the world because you know that in the end of it, you're getting someone awesome. Something awesome.

BABY, YOURE A FIREWORK.

I was lucky enough to be able to snap some pictures while Joe and I's family was here. The pictures are of our god children/niece and nephew Ethan 5 years old, and Ava 1y 6month old. You also see appearances from their parents, Vanesa and Jeffrey, my fiance's brother. You also sorta see my fiance. That's his arm in the last picture, and you can see him standing with Ethan, and his brother watching the sort of kid friendly-but not really kid friendly, fireworks. 

I will keep uploading more, and will share them with you as I go. I took a lot of the fireworks. I love to do that. Sometimes you end up with cool effects without even having to do anything with your camera. That's the type of photo taker that I am. I like to stand back, and let everyone do their natural thing, and I just snap away. I also don't like to edit the pictures TOO much. As cliche' as it might sound, I like to keep things real.  Not knocking anyone who edits a lot.

I am a beginner, and am learning as I go. In the near future I hope to share with you the other half of this blog. My photography blog. Its a working process. 

As for my personal life, I am doing well. Got some things going on, and many things to look forward to. I will share all of those with you sooner than later, I promise! Also, expect more Vlogs! I love making those. Its funny when you look back at your younger self in videos. The way you talked, the things you said. I laugh at myself, and I enjoy it : )

I hope you're well! If not, then trust me it will get better! Just give it time. Kisses! Kisses!

PS. This heat has got to go! That is all.

WHERE DO YOU GO?

Apologies for the lack of posts. I had my brother and sis in law along with our niece and nephew/god kids, here since Wednesday. They left on Sunday afternoon. It was a very busy couple of days, and I have a few other things going on right now.

I haven't abandoned you, and expect pictures when I come back. A post of mine without pictures feels incomplete. I have to edit many pictures in order to add them to my photography page that I am putting together. I hate using the macbook for that because it hurts my wrist after a while of editing. I hope to purchase a desktop in the near future, it will make things easier. Laptops tend to give off a lot of heat. Or is it just mine? I've been having hot flashes as it is lol. This weather sucks. I do not enjoy the Summer. I think I go out more during the other seasons. Weird right?

Before I go, I don't quite remember where I heard or read this, but I will try to live my life, looking at the positive qualities in people, and life, instead of dwelling on the negative.

I will leave you with that. Enjoy your week!

NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE

Keeping up with a house is no joke. But, it always brings a great feeling when you see it all coming together. My past few weeks have been filled with googling new recipes to try, food shopping, cleaning here and there, laundry, dishwashing (I am not about that life lol ;) , I want a dishwasher! We joke about our wishlists being filled with household appliances, oh how priorities change.) 

I have also been the chaffeur of my parents whenever they need to go to their appointments. The only time that I mind is when its to go see their primary care physician, they take forever to see you there. My father went through another eye surgery, this time for his right eye. His retina detached. The doc says that it can happen if you sneeze, cough, heavy lifting, etc etc. Poor man, he couldnt see at all (He is to have surgery for his left eye as well. Diabetes is no joke.) As for my health, I popped my left arm last night while stretching, and now I have a pinched nerve. It feels like my arm weighs a lot, numbing, and tingly feeling in my hands. I have been taking Naproxen for the inflamation, and putting cold and warm compress. No bueno. 

As for the photographs, I love watching Joe taking care of the lawn. Its his weekend hobby. Who would've guessed that a guy from the Bronx would be mowing, weeding, and gutter cleaning. Not long ago when my mother and I were gardening, we noticed that we had roses blooming. They are beautiful, and I love the contrast of the brick wall. I have been trying to go back to eating more furits, instead of junk food. I do not want to gain back all of the weight that I lost. Its tough without working, and not as much physical activity. If you haven't met him yet, that is my heart, Rocky. He's a 6 y.o chihuahua/jack russel mix, and he is spooooiled by me, and especially Joe. You really should see the two of them. It melts my heart. As for the other pictures, they are pretty self explanatory. Cooking, and treats received in the mail.

I hope that you're having a wonderful week. Thanks for stopping by!

Tick Tock

So much has happened. I am sure that I am not the only one that knows how drastically things can change in a matter of days, hours, minutes--you get the point. 

4/3/2013 Move out of the apartment into the house. 

4/16/2013 Got laid off from work.  

4/23/2013 Stressed out and emotionally unstable. Thankful for all of the support from my friends and family. I am putting on my brave face, but inside I am a mess. I trust God, and he must have a great plan for me. Even if I cry, and waiver, I trust You. 

*xo, c i n d y.

TwentyFuckingThirteen.

I know, I know, it has been a hot minute since I last updated. I have just been going through somethings. Nothing too bad, but all that I will say is that anxiety is a bitch. I can also say that I am on a mission, a mission to do things for myself that I never knew needed to be done, or shall I say learn. Therapy has helped me see this. The right questions, can sometimes have you stuck and having a "Wow, I never realized that about myself, and I want to change, for the better." I realized that I have a hard time expressing how I feel, and an even harder time telling others how what they do to me make me feel. Whether its hurting me, or taking my kindness for weakness, are just a couple of examples. I cant wait to begin that year long journey of my life.

In other news, happy new year! I don't know what the new year holds for this blog because, my interests are changing. I still sort of like makeup, and am proud to say that my last purchase was a small one, and it was a couple of months ago. I only get things that I need, or run out of. No more going crazy with nail polish purchases. I can proudly say that I can walk into a nail polish store or aisle, and walk away without a single bottle if I don't see a color that I must have. Before it was more of a, "Oh this looks nice, so does this." To not even open those bottles afterwards. 

I have a lot of plans, and goals. I am already working towards them. What is a goal for you? I no longer do resolutions, I just go with the flow, and give myself random goals as the year goes by. Oh! Did I mention that from May to December I lost 25 pounds? I am satisfied with that. I am at my goal weight, after so so so many years of trying to get there. Walking, that is what helped. I walk a lot at work, and they just came off. 

Follow me on Instagram for my random pictures: Ladycin

I apologize for the lack of pictures in this entry. You'll live lol. Kisses!!!

*xo, c i n d y.

These are a few of my favorite things...

This week was my last week on "orientation", which means that on Monday, I will be on my own. Well, if I ever have questions, I have other unit clerks to ask, but you know what I mean. Right? I have had a lot of practice in the Trauma side of thangs. I have seen three deaths, ages from just being born, three, and seventeen. All very, very sad. May they all rest in peace.

Other than that, things have been good on my side of the world. It's that time again to have little visits with my dentist. Take care of your teeth people! Nasty teeth, and breath is not cute. Another important thing that I did this week, was go to my college, and started my financial aid process. Some things have changed, like, you can no longer use your tax paperwork that the preparer gives you, you need a transcript from the IRS. Que? What? Smh. But, whatever, I requested mine, and it should be here some time next week. I just wanted to get this over with, and register for my classes. I like having first dibs, and having the schedule of my choice. Yep. Cause I'm a princess. Lol I kid, I kid!

I leave you with a few pictures. They are all of some of my favorite things. Enjoy, and have a great week!

This bad boy is so good to me!

Art cures my soul.

Yep. Six months into the year, and I decide to put up my calendar.

This magazine always, always inspires me. I miss the old cover though.

Our new/old place for the mail (and coupons to grab 

when we're out the door since I always forget!)

Abby's favorite snack of the moment. Green apples.

Rocky's favorite nap spot.

My favorite cereal (for now)

My all time favorite nude polishes (Essie's Sand Tropez is missing).

*xo, c i n d y.

I have missed you!

Oh me oh my, I suck. I have abandoned my lovely blog for far too long. But, sometimes things happen life that just gets a hold of you, and you get so caught up in other things. The past few weeks have been something. Highs, to very lows. I don't want to get too into it because, I am still here, and have over came the obstacles, yet again : ) I have a new job guys! I miss my friends at my old job, but I stop by from time to time to say hello. In the beginning, I had to kind of not let myself go upstairs to say hello, because it was so hard. I was having anxiety, and felt lost at my new job. But, I have been picking up the new routine, and I rarely get lost in the department anymore-- I am in the Emergency department. Yeah, busy. We see it all. I also get to do the orders for the Trauma patients/doctors. I will be in the room when they bring the patients, and be in the background as the doctors, and physician assistants do their thing. I have only seen one bloody patient. I am in no hurry. Oh! And I am now working part time hours, and second shift. From 3-1130pm. So, they'll be some days where I wont get to spend any time with my Joe Joe. But, I have to do this (I am going back to school in the Fall).

Joe, Rocky, and Abby say hello!
This weekend was a blast. I got to spend lots-o-time with my family, and had a bbq to celebrate mother's day (Dominican). Today (Happy Memorial Day!!) I spent the first half of it cleaning. I mean, REALLY cleaning. I got into the closets, got rid of a lot of stuff/junk. I enjoy throwing stuff out, or donating what's worthy. It's crazy how much junk you have in closets. I still have other things that need cleaning (a lot of laundry, eeeek!) but, it all can wait. My back is not having it. I will try to keep up with this now that I will have more time on my hands. We'll see. I think I'll have pics for the next post, I didn't plan this one, which is why I don't have any. Enjoy your week!!

*xo, c i n d y.

Keeping up with... Me!

Oh, how I have missed you! Buuuut enjoy this video. It's my way of sucking up to you lol. Hope you're well, and healthy!!!

*xo, c i n d y.

Hair and "Friends?"

Believe it or not, I love this hair color, the curls, and everything about it. I am thinking of something new to do with/to my hair. I also love the way that Sarah Jessica Parker has her hair.



What do you ladies think? I am leaning more towards the second picture. A dark reddish brown with light brown like on the picture.

Other than that, I have been well. I only feel pain on my big incision, and have trouble finding the right position to sleep in, so I tend to move around a lot at night, and if I twist my abdomen wrong, I tend to feel pain inside my body. It's a process, but I feel that I am doing well : ) Thanks for the well wishes. It's eye opening how some of my "Friends" have rarely hit me up. But, fuck them. My mentality changed towards the end of 2011. Let me give you some insight:

I moved to Pennsylvania from my hometown in Long Island, NY back in Sept 2006. And, I would always be the one making trips back and forth to New York to hang out with friends. But it took me long enough to say, why do I have to make it so easy for others? Pardon my french but, fuck that, I can take the time and money out to go out there and see you, well you can do the same for me. This isn't the first time that I have blogged about this, I have done so on my livejournal account, when I adapted this. You miss me? Really? Come see me. I am not saying that I am a queen or almighty. But, I've been here for 5 years, there is no reason why you can't come and see me, heck, I have an apartment, there's room. Whatever.

Bitter much? Maybe lol. Just venting. ANYWAY. I got the "Blog" bug tonight, and gave in haha. I hope that you're okay, and well. Enjoy the rest of your week!---Oh and, I do not miss work lol. I am enjoying this time off, hahaha!

* con mucho amor, c i n d y.

Decorations and Recuperation...

Christmas decorations 2011. Joe picked the snow man, I picked the fat snowball for our fatty guinea pig Abby, Joe picked the teddy bear for Rocky since he loves them (I found it in Rocky's mouth one day smh) and the Eiffel Tower is mine : ) So are the Uggs, theyre my Christmas present from Joe. I got him the Xbox 360 Kinect, and he got me Just Dance 3, and I got myself Dance Central 2, I think it's called.

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I have been MIA with a good enough reason. I had my surgery! It was on 12/22/2011. We got there at around 5:40 am. I was accompanied by my mom,dad, and Joe (boyfriend). I changed into my gown, they tried to put my iv line in and failed (I have really bad veins). They took me back and I got in a bed in the waiting area, with a whole bunch of other people awaiting surgery. My family was able to join me (at last). We waited until 7:45am and we said our see you laters. I was trying so hard not to cry because my mother was already starting to do so. I told her "Mami, no llore" (mami don't cry) as I was being wheeled away by the anesthesiologist, and a nurse. They took me into the surgery room which was cold as ice. I saw my GYN and she held my hand as the anesthesiologist got my iv in, and put in the medicine. About 1 minute later, my other surgeon came in and said hello. I felt the effects of the drug and knocked out.

The first thing that I remember after waking up, is severe cramping, and complaining about it. I knocked out again, and woke up to the doctor by my side, telling me that due to my bleeding, I would need a blood transfusion. He spoke to me about the surgery and everything else. I was now in the recovery area, thirsty as hell, and with other patients. I would fall in and out of sleep, and nurses at my side ever so often. I really just wanted to be put in a room and reunite with my family. The surgery lasted an hour longer, so it totaled 5 hours. After two pints of blood, some water being given to me from a sponge (it felt as if I had not drank in days weeks even!) around 5 1/2 hours later, I was in a room, and my family was able to come in and see me.

They stayed for about an hour so. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. My evening nurse was my favorite (Nikki) she was a sweetheart, and I am very thankful for her. That first night wasn't as bad, I had my button that I could press whenever I had pain, and it would give me pain relief. About 6 am the next day, I had to get up and walk around with the help of Nikki. It was the shortest, yet longest walk of my life. I had to get an incision on my bikini line, after the laparoscopic procedure failed due to my bleeding and the size of my fibroid (I found out today that it weighed 1 pound!) I would be in bed for most of my time at the hospital, now being able to get up (with help) to pee a little at a time. I refused to let my body decide that Id have to come home with a catheter. The rest of the time, I had to get up and walk. Joe was/and has been very patient, and helpful. You really fall in love all over again with someone when things like this happen.

I came home late afternoon of Christmas eve. Needless to say it was a sore, painful, uncomfortable, frustrating, yet thankful Christmas. You never hate coughing/sneezing/walking as much as you do after any abdominal procedure. It has been a very emotional, and long journey but here I am, on medical leave. I have 4 more weeks left. I am trying to relax as much as possible, and to just take it easy. I still can't lift anything over 10 lbs, so my poor baby Rocky breaks my heart when he begs, and cries for me to do so, but soon I'll be back to me. A new improved me haha. Happy New Year!!

* con mucho amor, c i n d y.

Ready?

Here are a few of my favorite things...







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I've been okay. This third shot has been hell. The hot flashes are annoying, and frustrating to say the least. And a little bit of depression has been hitting me. Today I had a little break down at work. Another symptom is insomnia. I have been taking sleeping pills to be able to knock out in time during the week. I am actually looking forward to my surgery. I need the break from everything, and to just take care of me. I don't even mind that it'll be during the Holidays to be honest with you. Anyway, I hope you are all well. I'll leave you with these adorable pictures of my Abby (guinea pig) taken today after we clipped her nails. I've missed you!

* con mucho amor, c i n d y.