19 Weeks

When you read books, or did it for a living (counseling pregnant women) you think that you pretty much are well prepared for the day that its your turn to be pregnant. Oh, how naive I was.

Before I found out that I was with child, I knew that something was different because never in my life (not even with my lifelong struggles with anemia) had I felt such fatigue. Oh, it'll end after the second trimester, is what they told me. Wrong. Don't get me wrong, it does ease up, but every day is a guessing game. One day I feel energized, and then I get a wave of "I just want to go to bed, pleeeeease!" There are some days when that is what I look forward to. Bed time.

The hunger that I experienced during my first trimester was record breaking. In my book atleast. Even Joe would catch himself saying "Wow." I didn't take offense to it, because I myself would be shocked. It felt as if I'd eat, take a break and wait around 20 minutes for the baby to get its fill, and then it would be my turn to get mine because the "I am starving like Marvin" moment would return. That has lessened. During the first couple of weeks, I craved seafood. All that I could think about was having a big plate of paella (that sadly never came because when it was offered, I no longer cared for it.) Now, the only thing that I ever really crave is beans. Dominican style beans, with white rice. I don't know what it is, but mmmm. Other than that, I dont care for much of anything. Only fruits. Note to self: Ask OB if I should be worried about my loss of appetite.

The fun part is that last week I began to feel the baby move. Its random. I feel it when I least expect it. It took getting used to. It feels like a little frog is jumping around in there lol. Now, I just smile whenever I feel it.

On 1O/23 I had my 18 week ultrasound. So far, one of my favorite moments ever! My mami, papi, friend Valeria, and Joe were there with me. The ultrasound tech, Martie was awesome. Such a sweetheart. I loved that eventhough she has seen/scanned thousands of baby ultrasounds she made me feel as if mine was her very first and favorite. Our baby was lying on its head. The position it was in was like a C. It cracked me up. After all of the important scans, and measurements, which I thank God were all normal, we got to find out the gender. Our baby was not shy. It showed us several times that it is what it is... A boy! We are having a boy! I wish I had a camera on me to capture everyone's reactions. We were all shocked. Many of my family members guessed that it would be a girl because of dreams, and such. Joe? He had the biggest smile, and was laughing. His face was the one that I focused on. Me? I was the first one to say... It's a boy? And covered my mouth lol. I couldn't believe it. You might be thinking, why is it such a surprise, when theres only a 50/50 chance of what it could be?--Just wait until you or someone close to you is expecting. It feels like there are a million possibilities of what it could be lol.

So, yeah, Adrian J. Batine is who has been causing all of these body changes lol. Its okay, he's worth it.  If sometimes it sounds as if I am shedding a negative light on pregnancy, excuse me. It is not my intention. Its just me sharing my experience and my wake up call that it isn't all roses and rainbows. Yet, its something that you wouldnt trade for the world because you know that in the end of it, you're getting someone awesome. Something awesome.

Decorations and Recuperation...

Christmas decorations 2011. Joe picked the snow man, I picked the fat snowball for our fatty guinea pig Abby, Joe picked the teddy bear for Rocky since he loves them (I found it in Rocky's mouth one day smh) and the Eiffel Tower is mine : ) So are the Uggs, theyre my Christmas present from Joe. I got him the Xbox 360 Kinect, and he got me Just Dance 3, and I got myself Dance Central 2, I think it's called.

----------------------------------------

I have been MIA with a good enough reason. I had my surgery! It was on 12/22/2011. We got there at around 5:40 am. I was accompanied by my mom,dad, and Joe (boyfriend). I changed into my gown, they tried to put my iv line in and failed (I have really bad veins). They took me back and I got in a bed in the waiting area, with a whole bunch of other people awaiting surgery. My family was able to join me (at last). We waited until 7:45am and we said our see you laters. I was trying so hard not to cry because my mother was already starting to do so. I told her "Mami, no llore" (mami don't cry) as I was being wheeled away by the anesthesiologist, and a nurse. They took me into the surgery room which was cold as ice. I saw my GYN and she held my hand as the anesthesiologist got my iv in, and put in the medicine. About 1 minute later, my other surgeon came in and said hello. I felt the effects of the drug and knocked out.

The first thing that I remember after waking up, is severe cramping, and complaining about it. I knocked out again, and woke up to the doctor by my side, telling me that due to my bleeding, I would need a blood transfusion. He spoke to me about the surgery and everything else. I was now in the recovery area, thirsty as hell, and with other patients. I would fall in and out of sleep, and nurses at my side ever so often. I really just wanted to be put in a room and reunite with my family. The surgery lasted an hour longer, so it totaled 5 hours. After two pints of blood, some water being given to me from a sponge (it felt as if I had not drank in days weeks even!) around 5 1/2 hours later, I was in a room, and my family was able to come in and see me.

They stayed for about an hour so. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. My evening nurse was my favorite (Nikki) she was a sweetheart, and I am very thankful for her. That first night wasn't as bad, I had my button that I could press whenever I had pain, and it would give me pain relief. About 6 am the next day, I had to get up and walk around with the help of Nikki. It was the shortest, yet longest walk of my life. I had to get an incision on my bikini line, after the laparoscopic procedure failed due to my bleeding and the size of my fibroid (I found out today that it weighed 1 pound!) I would be in bed for most of my time at the hospital, now being able to get up (with help) to pee a little at a time. I refused to let my body decide that Id have to come home with a catheter. The rest of the time, I had to get up and walk. Joe was/and has been very patient, and helpful. You really fall in love all over again with someone when things like this happen.

I came home late afternoon of Christmas eve. Needless to say it was a sore, painful, uncomfortable, frustrating, yet thankful Christmas. You never hate coughing/sneezing/walking as much as you do after any abdominal procedure. It has been a very emotional, and long journey but here I am, on medical leave. I have 4 more weeks left. I am trying to relax as much as possible, and to just take it easy. I still can't lift anything over 10 lbs, so my poor baby Rocky breaks my heart when he begs, and cries for me to do so, but soon I'll be back to me. A new improved me haha. Happy New Year!!

* con mucho amor, c i n d y.

My Journey: 02

Hello and thanks to everyone that read, or commented on my last entry. Since I am home today from work, I decided to give you guys a quick update on things.

Well I got the Lupron shot on the 27th. In order to get the shot, I had to be on my period, which came down on 9/25. I have been on my period ever since. It sucks! It would get light, and heavy, and medium, then heavy again. And when I would think it was going away on the extemely light days, it would come back. I went to the ER this past Saturday night, because my heart had been beating pretty fast that day, and I felt shaky, and my nerves felt shot. Not just that but, I was coagulating a lot and it worried me. Come to find out I had high blood pressure. Luckily my blood count was okay, which meant that I wasn't losing too much blood, and my cervix looked fine. I have an appointment with my GYN today, and I don't know what will be discussed, but I guess it's good to keep her updated and stuff. Whether I'll be getting the second shot today, I don't know, but we'll see.

A big side effect to this, are my mood swings, and my hot flashes. Which suck in the middle of the night. Poor Joe and Rocky, I tend to freeze them a little lol. Again, my loved ones are being awesome about everything. Everyone is sort of going through different things (Like my parents having to give up the family dog, Ossy, yesterday : ( ), which means that we are all constantly calling each other to see how the other is doing. My family is like that, one is going through something, we all feel it.

I just wanted to get this update out of the way, in order to post about other more light hearted and superficial things haha. That was me being very sarcastical yet honest?

I hope each and every one of you are doing great, if not... Then remember, it will pass.

* con mucho amor, c i n d y.

My Journey: 01

Hello everybody! I hope you are all doing well on this lovely Sunday afternoon (or whenever it is that you read this). I am just relaxing on my couch, with laptop propped on a cushion in between my legs. Mighty comfortable. Let's jump into the point of this entry... And let me warn you, it's a long one.

I had been trying to decide if this is something that I should share with you, if it needed to be shared, and if I felt 100% comfortable in opening up about it on here. But, I decided why not? I know how much I have searched on the web for someone to answer the questions that I had/have on the topic, and failed miserably. I kept getting medical journals, and old old articles. I hope that when another woman googles on this in the future, she bumps into my entries, and gets it from someone who's lived it. What am I talking about? I am talking about uterine fibroids.

My journey began in early August when I went for my papsmear (ladies make sure you're up to date with yours!) and my ob/gyn did a pelvic exam on me. She asked me "Have you ever been told that you have uterine fibroids?" And I said "No." She said that she wants me to come back and have an ultrasound, because she strongly believes that I may have some. I didn't think much of it, and didn't even care to research. I just thought that it was a fancy name for "cysts" which I believed to having, because of my heavy, weird and painful cycles. My doctor told me that she would be away on vacation, and to have the study done, and that she would discuss the results with me when she'd return. Six days later I was back in the office, and had the ultrasound done. They did an abdominal one first, and then a vaginal. The tech asked me what led the doctor to think I needed the study, and I told her. A few minutes later, we were done. I was left alone to change, and told to walk out of the room when ready. When I walked out, I saw her talking to one of the other doctors and heard her discussing my symptoms. I went and sat in the waiting room and waited. A few minutes later a nurse came and asked me to go back into a room, and to wait for a doctor. The doctor came in, and introduced herself. She told me that they did find a fibroid. But, that it was pretty big. At the time, she told me the measurements. I don't know much about centimeters lol. So, to me it's like... umm okay? But then she showed me with her hands, and drew me a picture. Here is what she drew for me:



The bottom part is a uterus, and the top is what she drew to be my fibroid. Once she drew that, it hit me. My eyes got watery, as she discussed my options which she told me were;

1. To let it be, and monitor it (which wouldn't be smart if I am planning to have kids some day, and not really an option because of it's size)
2. Another option was to get a shot called lupron for a few months and see if it shrinks it (which I didnt/dont want to do because of my symptoms which are; severe anemia, irregular bleeding, severe bleeding, pain, discomfort, bloating to the point that I look 3-4 months pregnant, constant urinating)
3. A hysterectomy. Of course I thought hell to the no.
4. Or surgery to try to remove the fibroid. There are 2 procedures, which is a laparoscopy or a myectomy.But, before either to still get the lupron shot to stop the bleeding, get my blood count up (less anemic) and to see if it shrinks my fibroid a bit to make surgery easier.

I came home that day to discuss things with Joe, and my parents, and brother. When I talked to Joe was when it all hit me, and I broke down. He was and has been great through the entire thing. He held me, reassured me that things were in God's hands and that he'll be here during and after everything regardless of what happens. I called my parents, and found out that my mom had the same thing which led to her hysterectomy (there were no options back then) and they supported me in my decision (as well as my bro) which was to have the surgery. Fast forward... to this past weekend (9/17/11) I had an MRI of the abdomen. I called my doctor's office on Monday, and she told me that my fibroid was bigger than measured with the ultrasound, 15 cm to be exact. Which is close to 6 inches wide. With the surgery they're going to try to remove it using the laparoscopic method (recovery time: 2-3 weeks) first, and if they cant do so that way, then they'd do a myectomy (recovery time: 4-6 weeks).

With surgery comes risks, which do worry me, but I am trying to be as positive as I can be. Doc told me that if they cannot control the bleeding during surgery that the option will be to go with the hysterectomy. But, I am praying, and so are my loved ones that, it doesn't have to be that way.

Sighs... There you have it. I will be getting my first shot this week (I had to wait to be on my period, which came today) to get it. I will update talking more about the shot, and how it makes me feel. I included links in this post, to tell you more about the things I touched on, because I didn't know a thing about this before all of this. I want to thank my family for being there for me and checking on me, and to my good friend, whom I don't have to name. And to you, for reading all of this lol. Thank you. Thank you.

* con mucho amor, c i n d y.